February 2010
“Oh, I would never dream of assuming I know all Hogwarts’ secrets, Igor. Only...”
– Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (via emmielovegood) (via everythingharrypotter)
“So Gryffindor is fire, Ravenclaw is air, Hufflepuff is earth, and Slytherin is...”
– J.K. Rowling (via laksjdhfg09) (via everythingharrypotter)
BEST CATHERINE TATE SKETCH EVAR.
Lauren: Sir?
Mr. Logan: Yeah?
Lauren: Are you English, sir?
Mr. Logan: No, I'm Scottish.
Lauren: So you ain't English, then?
Mr. Logan: No, I'm British.
Lauren: So you ain't English, then?
Mr. Logan: No, I'm not, but as you can see, I do speak English.
Lauren: But I can't understand what you're sayin', sir.
Mr. Logan: Well, clearly you can.
Lauren: Sorry, are you talkin' Scottish now?
Mr. Logan: No, I'm talking English.
Lauren: Right. Don't sound like it.
Mr. Logan: Okay, whatever you want. Now! Let's get on with Shakespeare.
Lauren: I don't think you're qualified to teach us English.
Mr. Logan: I am perfectly qualified to teach you English.
Lauren: I don't think you are, though.
Mr. Logan: You don't have to be English to teach it!
Lauren: Right, have we got double English or double Scottish?
Mr. Logan: Is your name Lauren Cooper, by any chance?
Lauren: Yeah...why?
Mr. Logan: Your reputation precedes you.
Lauren: Innit, though?
Mr. Logan: So! Shakespeare's sonnets.
Lauren: Sir?
Mr. Logan: A sonnet is a poem -
Lauren: Sir?
Mr. Logan: written in 14 lines -
Lauren: Sir?
Mr. Logan: the last two of which -
Lauren: Sir?
Mr. Logan: must form a rhyming couplet -
Lauren: Sir?
Mr. Logan: Yes, Lauren?!
Lauren: Can I aks you a question?
Mr. Logan: Not just now.
Lauren: Can I aks you a question, though?
Mr. Logan: Just wait.
Lauren: But can I just aks you a question? I only wanna aks you a question. Why can't I aks you a question? I'm just aksing you a question. Can I just AKS you question?
Mr. Logan: What is it?
Lauren: Are you the Doctor?
Mr. Logan: [after a long pause] Doctor who?
Lauren: Innit, though!
Mr. Logan: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lauren: You look like Doctor Who, though!
Mr. Logan: I'm not Doctor Who, I'm your English teacher.
Lauren: I don't think you are, though...
Mr. Logan: Lauren -
Lauren: I think you're a 945-year-old Time Lord.
Mr. Logan: Listen -
Lauren: Did ya just pitch up from Mars?
Mr. Logan: Don't be ridiculous!
Lauren: You know your house right?
Mr. Logan: What?
Lauren: You know your house? Is it bigger on the inside?
Mr. Logan: Be quiet.
Lauren: Have you parked the TARDIS on a metre?
Mr. Logan: Can we please get back to Shakespeare? ...Thank you. So -
Lauren: Do you fancy Billie Piper, sir?
Mr. Logan: Right! You are the most insolent child I have ever had the misfortune to teach!
Lauren: Thank you.
Mr. Logan: You are pointless, repetitious and extremely dull.
Lauren: Bit like Shakespeare.
Mr. Logan: You are not even worthy to mention his name! William Shakes- WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE WAS A GENIUS! YOU, LITTLE MADAME, ARE DEFINITELY NOT! NOW JUST SIT THERE, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, OR I WILL FAIL YOU IN THIS WHOLE MODULE RIGHT NOW!
Lauren: Amist I bovveréd?
Mr. Logan: What?
Lauren: Amist I bovveréd, forsooth?
Mr. Logan: Lauren -
Lauren: Looketh at my face. Looketh at my face.
Mr. Logan: Stop it.
Lauren: Ist this a bovveréd face thou seest before thee?
Mr. Logan: Right. I'm calling your parents-
Lauren: Are you disrespecting the house of Cooper?! Art thou calling my mother a pox-ridden wench?!
Mr. Logan: Enough.
Lauren: Art thou calling my father a goodly rotten apple?!
Mr. Logan: Lauren -
Lauren: But he ain't even a goodly rotten apple.
Mr. Logan: Listen to me -
Lauren: But he ain't a goodly rotten apple, though.
Mr. Logan: That's enough!
Lauren: Faceth? Bovveréd. Looketh! Looketh! My liege, my liege, my liege, my liege, my liege! Faceth! Bovveréd! You take the high road and I'll take the low road. I ain't even bovveréd! I ain't even bovveréd! Look! Face! Bovveréd! Face! Bovveréd! My liege! I be not bovveréd, forsooth! I be not bovveréd! Face! Bovveréd! Shakespeare! Sonnets! I ain't even bovveréd!
Mr. Logan: Look -
Lauren: "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun, Coral is far more red than her lips red, If Snow be white, why then her breasts are dun, If hair be wires, black wires grow on her head, I have seen roses damasked red and white, But no such roses see I in her cheeks, and in some perfume is there more delight, Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks, I love to hear her speak, Yet well I know that music hath a far more pleasing sound, I grant I never saw a goddess go, My mistress when she walks treads on the ground, and yet by heaven I think my love as rare, as any she belies with false compare!" BITE ME, ALIEN BOY!
Mr. Logan: [pulls out a Sonic Screwdriver, changing Lauren into a 5 inch Rose Tyler action figure] That's better. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
Lauren: [squeaking] I still ain't bovvered!
:D
Teacher: Right, Lauren, that's enough. I'm not going to stand here and listen to this kind of xenophobic abuse from a stupid girl who is too ignorant to even learn the language, let alone understand the people. I will fail you for this test, which means you will get an F for the entire module.
Lauren: ...suis-je Bovvered?
Teacher: What?
Lauren: ...suis-je bovvered, though? Regarde mon visage. Regarde mon visage. Regarde mon visage. Est-que mon visage bovvered?
Teacher: Non, mais -
Lauren: Non, parce que je ne suis pas bovvered.
Teacher: Lauren, your behaviour, it's absolutely appalling. Do you behave like this at home?
Lauren: Est-que vous disrespectez ma famille?
Teacher: Quoi?
Lauren: Est-que vous appelez ma mère une pikey?
Teacher: Non.
Lauren: Est-que vous appelez mon père un gyppo?
Teacher: Pas de tout!
Catherine Tate is brilliant.
Teacher: Lauren, it's a French oral test.
Lauren: But I ain't a French oral.
Teacher: What?
Lauren: I'm an English oral so if you wanna aks me a question, aks me in English.
Teacher: Lauren, French is an important language.
Lauren: Not for me, it ain't.
Teacher: It can teach you a lot about your own language.
Lauren: No, it can't.
Teacher: Lauren, you have to try to make an effort.
Lauren: No, I don't.
Teacher: It's a beautiful language!
Lauren: Miss, have you got hairy armpits?
Teacher: I beg your pardon?
Lauren: Are you scared of razors, miss?
Teacher: No, I'm not.
Lauren: Are they expensive in French lands?
Teacher: No, they're not.
Lauren: Well, why don't you buy one then?
Oh my god. Cutest combination ever. Click! →
rosiexx:
(via darth-fitch)
This is actually the best thing you will ever read in your life. I almost died of cuteness.
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so...”
– J.K. Rowling (via thoughtsdetained) (via quote-book) (via kristybell) (via peachycheeks)
"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One"...
everythingharrypotter:
ainako:
Word has come directly from WB today, that the first part of the “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” film will be released in 3D come its arrival in theaters this November. The release of a 3D “Deathly Hallows” will appear along side a standard 2D version in theaters as well.
(Leaky)
YAY!
